Fears
by nalimom
Summary: Beckett helps Castle deal with his fears


As Castle watched the little boy hug his father tightly and both of them burst into tears, He had to fight to retain control over his own emotions. He really felt for this father. He knew what it was to have your entire life ripped apart by divorce and the uncertainty of what your relationship with your child would become. He had fared much better than this poor, working class man, retaining full custody of Alexis, but how easily it could have gone the other way. If Meredith had contested, there weren't many judges who would take a child from their mother, even if she was a self centered hedonist.

He watched as the father cast his eyes to the ceiling, thanking the heavens for the safe return of his son and had to leave the room. Over the years, there had been so many times when he had feared for his daughter's safely and imagined her hurt or worse. Every time she was ten minutes late returning home. Every time she left her phone unanswered. Those times in the middle of the night when he awoke and went to check her room to be sure she hadn't been taken from him. His celebrity certainly raised the level of risk to her, but it had always been very important to him that she be allowed to act like any other child. He took her to the park and pretended he wasn't eyeballing every adult who came within twenty feet of her. He allowed her to go to the mall with her friends and didn't follow her.

He texted his daughter's phone. "I love you." Was all he said. He would have called, but it was three o'clock in the morning. She didn't need to be awakened to appease his mood. She would see it when she awoke.

"You OK, Castle?" Beckett came around the corner, obviously relieved to have found him.

"You keep asking me that."

"Sooner or later, I figure you'll tell me the truth."

He smiled and looked at her for a long moment. In a very uncharacteristic move, he approached her and pulled her into a hug. "I'm fine."

She relaxed against him, appreciating the warmth of his arms around her. They remained there for several moments, neither caring who might walk by, just savoring the closeness and the caring. Needing the comfort. Finally they parted, their right hands keeping contact.

"See you tomorrow?" Beckett asked.

He very slowly released her hand, allowing her fingers to slip from his. "You bet."

"Sleep in." She said with a weak smile. "I plan on being late tomorrow. I'm just going to catch up on paperwork."

"Have a good night, Detective."

Kate Beckett looked him in the eyes. "Really great work tonight, Castle." She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "You're the reason that boy is alive."

Castle shook his head. "We're a great team."

Kate lay awake in her bed, reliving the last twenty four hours over and over again. If any one of a hundred things had gone differently, that child and, very likely his father, would be dead. Instead, they were safely reunited. Her mind also kept going back to Castle. He had worn his emotions uncharacteristically close to the surface on this case. When he had told her the story of losing Alexis in the department store, the panic and terror he had felt was still so obvious. She could not even imagine what it had actually been like for him, especially since thirteen years later, it still affected him so deeply. She had never seen him in that state, not even when his own life was in grave danger. Without thinking, Kate picked up her phone and started typing.

_You awake? _She texted to Castle's number.

It was just a moment later when her hone chimed. _Can't seem to let today go. Why are you up? _He replied.

_Me too. Want to talk about it?_

Her phone rang and she picked it up on the first ring. "Hey." She said.

"Hey, yourself."

"I've been a little worried about you."

"Me?" He asked. "I'm alright. I'm always alright."

"I saw you today, Castle" She wouldn't let him dismiss her. "You were definitely not alright." She paused. "There's nothing wrong with admitting that it got to you."

There was silence on his end.

"Sometimes a case takes on a life of its own and it really gets under your skin. You can't help but think about your own life." She took a breath. "About the people you love."

More silence.

"Are you there?"

"I'm here." His voice was full of barely hidden emotion. "I have been thinking about how tenuous life is. How easily things can change forever." He was quiet a moment. "It started with remembering the panic when Alexis was lost. Then it became an endless stream of worst case scenarios. Things that could happen. Alexis, Mother, the guys, the captain." He paused again. "You."

"Castle, you spend your life devising interesting and unusual ways for murderers to kill and detectives to figure it out. Surely you have thought about it all before."

"Sure I have." He said quickly. "But I haven't had a front row seat before… to the pain. To the reality of how people's lives are torn apart." He was quiet again. "It's been a long time since I took stock of how much I have to lose… Not the money. Everything else that matters. Alexis. You."

Kate's mind was reeling at the implication. She chose to ignore it.

"She is very smart and resourceful." She tried to comfort him. "Smart enough to avoid a situation where she could come to harm."

"With the things we see everyday, you still believe that's even possible?"

She stared at the ceiling. "OK, you got me."She confessed. "I was just trying to make you feel better… to a point. Your daughter is incredibly smart and level headed. She has a knack for reading situations. How many times has something she said turned an investigation around? "

He didn't reply.

"You have much less to worry about than the average seventeen year old girl's father."

He laughed softly. "That's true. She probably has a lot more to worry about with me." His voice changed, becoming much quieter, less confident. "What about you?"

"There's nothing special about me. I just do my job."

"I have said it many times. You are special. Extraordinary, in fact."

"And I have told you that I am not."

"Are you doubting your character or your beauty?" He asked. "Because both are far beyond average."

Kate was speechless. "You flatter me."

"Not in the slightest."

They stayed on the phone for over an hour, during which they discussed past life changing cases Beckett has worked on prior to their partnership. They discussed the importance of distancing themselves to maintain objectivity, but the impossibility at times.

"It comes down to this, Castle," she said. "If you don't care enough to put your own peace at risk, then you will never care enough to go the extra mile to solve the case. I have been told so many times that I was too personally connected and I know it has been true, but the fact of the matter is that if I wasn't connected, I wouldn't be nearly as good at my job as I am."

"If you ever ask me again why I am inspired by you, I will remind you of this moment."

Kate looked out the window to see the sun beginning to peek over the horizon. "Get some rest, Castle."

"You too." He said softly. "And, Kate,"

"Yes."

"Thank you."

"That's what friends are for."


End file.
